let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
