Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
