I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
