We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
