I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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