oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize