Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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