rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize