i need an iv and a liver transplant
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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