her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
