a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
