i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
