a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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