I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
