I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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