After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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