haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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