Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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