I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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