Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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