the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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