I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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