Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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