Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
