I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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