you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I pour the whiskey from now on
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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