Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
