I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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