hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
