I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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