I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
