Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
