Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
