friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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