So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
