Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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