Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
