Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
