honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
kristin has been a bad kristin
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize