the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
