im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize