I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
