since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
