The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
