Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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