:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize