so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
