i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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