You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
