Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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