I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
