mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize