Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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