I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my phone needs a breathalizer
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
