Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
