i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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