I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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