Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize