I haven't been this sober since birth.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Hippo gnu deer
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
