I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
