I think i peed on brittanys purse
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
