I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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