Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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