So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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