so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
