but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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