I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
