kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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