I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
