I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I cut my penus on the lid.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
