You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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