real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
